About Me
Network
Links
My Shop
My Garden of Thought
|
The brainsprouts keep on growing...
![]() Tuesday, March 30, 2004Exactly what can one do when their nerves are at a point where they're just about to explode, and you're somewhere in the middle of wanting to just end it all with possibly the death of someone random and just get by this situation unscathed by leaving everything for an entire week, see if it works out by its own? JUST HOW ANNOYED CAN ONE GET? ![]() Monday, March 29, 2004Aha... Monday. okay, no classes, so i've arranged my best friend (the Suzette sort :Þ) and have her meet me at the mall. Er...do what girls do at such places. xD Yesterday was pretty absurd. It got me extremely annoyed at two obnoxious morons (not to mention cocky), who were there from the dsl company to fix things with out connection. Somehow, the guys just made my supposed Rest-day something that I would not want to recall anytime soon. But for blogging's sake, I will. :P It went on like this: 1.) The guy just stepped into my room without knocking and just started dragging about wires and stuff for the PC (or i supposed it was for that). He tinkered with my computer for a bit, ordering me about with typing out my passwords, etc. 2.) It turns out he doesn't even know what he's doing, 'cause one hour of tinkering and violent tapping of my beloved keyboard later (damn you! DIE!), he called his friend from downstairs (who I'm guessing was tinkering with Jason and three, yes, -THREE- other PCs that were set up in the living room.). 3.) Guy#2 came up and did the exact same thing... only this time he kept on swearing under his breath, basically whining because it's taking too long. 4.) Guy#1 just...goes about checking out my room which he wasn't -welcome- to. Random things like "Oh, I have that book! Never read it, tho." and "Picture! is this you?" All I ever did was blink (and if he's turned around, I roll my eyes) 5.) took them the whole damn afternoon to "fix" things which, in my opinion at least, really messed up my compy. I can't get into my messengers, one of which happened to be very valuable to me. 6.) As a result, I resorted finally to dial-up. Not my favourite, but it does the job for the meantime. 7.) Oh, and to top everything off... guy#2 took out my post-it pad.. and wrote his email address and mobile number (which i'm sure was not his company's help line). Why on earth he left that there, I won't even entertain. Shown jason that one.. he's basically amused. But then later just vowed the two would never step into the house again. Bloodline heroics. *thwaps Jason* :Þ Bah. Yesterday was really annoying. that argh-sy type that just make you want to thwap a random person---or not really. just fiddling with your nerves and such. They totally violated my room. Touching and poking out my stuff, curse them. Hopefully this won't ruin anything about my schoolwork (which consists of around 90% compywork) Argh! ![]() Saturday, March 27, 2004Aha... another boring Saturday *yawns and pinches herself from falling asleep and get in trouble*---or...not really. never got into trouble in schoolies. *is a good kid* Let's see... So I guess I owe you an update of them things that happened this week. Er... -=Monday=- Well, for one, I actually went out and bought fishies. *laughs*. It gets kinda lonely in the room, i guess. I needed something to distract me from pitying myself and from imagining dead girls coming to get me. Fishes. -=Tuesday=- Checked my Elfwood comments. And I've stumbled upon this: Marie Costabile: how come you didn't reply to any of my comments? What we not friends no more? I was all..."wtf?!" *mutters* Just because we have the same name, the same way people call us (MarMar), and that I did her a little favor and drew something for her doesn't mean we're actually "friends". Sorry if i'm not all too teenyboppish about the concept of friendship, but i always thought it takes more than a casual email and a favor to be in one. *sighs* of course i did made a nice reply. And i really was busy with school and stuff. so i'm hoping this weirdish event is closed. -=Wednesday=- Aha. Another strange thing happened. This guy from my class whom I never really spoke to just asked me for a movie. How weird is that? *blinks* Of course I asked who else is coming. He told me no one else. So...er... how on earth could i explain that I actually have a boyfriend, only he's oceans away? o.O So I just said i was pretty busy and stuff. He still emails. Guess he didn't get a clue. -=Thursday=- No classes. Turns out my teacher from the 9am classes was absent. Thank -god-! (okay, not happy that he's sick). Quite fortunate, considering I wasn't planning to go to school anyway xD. I was really tired from the night before, and haven't slept all night talking with the beloved. (bah, not surprised anymore, are ye?). Slept all day... quite surprised about that. I felt really tired... but i ended up more tired when i woke up from a day of sleeping. Weird. Even more weird is this email: I'm Sorry for getting mad at U *looks guilty* Did you go on spring break? mine's this week. Just staying home, there's nothing to do by me....I live in IL, near Chicago..so in my little town of Wood Dale, it's boring.....Sorry agin for getting mad, I thought you didn't want to talk to me. You Know were alot a like, and have a lot of things in Common....except a job and College. <3 mar-mar Right. She's sorry that -I- made her mad. -.-; This kid is scaring me. Far more so that she's too willing to share her address with me. And what happens if i happen to be an axe muderer? Eh? -=Friday=- Spent the whole morning asleep, and in the afternoon, I was invited to see different plays by my old friends back in the Univ (U.P.) It was for reunion's sake. I missed the guys, they missed me... you know how it goes. Everyone was being extra nice.. like I came from the dead or something :P Silly bunnies xD They tell me I look different. Got thinner, etc. Er..well, never really thought that. I always thought I've become the opposite. But... yeah. Strangely, they think I've "evolved" (actual word). lmao. Right. Next time we meet, I'll be some machine. :P Funny thing was someone spread around that I've got someone. Everyone's gushing over the whole issue. Which was weird 'cause I rarely mention anything to anyone regarding my love life (i hate that term, by the way). Bah. Someone's been talking. It's not even me. Their plays were downright funny! Or, well, it's meant to be serious, but most of the time when you have people like these... it's bound to be hilarious. xD It was for their Philippine Lit class. Sometimes I wished I didn't transfer. They're really more interesting than my new classmates. Oh, geez... not even close. -.-; Would be an insult for them if i'd even -think- about comparing the two. But then I wouldn't be happy. Yeah. -=Saturday=- Which is today. Nothing happened, so nothing's worth typing (actually, the whole week's not worth typing about.) Oh, and discovered a few things: 1. i like turtles 2. i like squids 3. i love spongebob 4. my sudden fixations on Severus Snape...for some reason I find him sexy 5. and now even more sure i'll be severely happy when i finally meet him (and I'm not talking about Snape) ;P 6. i bruise easily 7. pretty hair begins with the roots that's pretty much it. -.-; ![]() Saturday, March 20, 2004Righto... it's saturday, but the day never really gave me any fuzzy-warm feelings. Maybe because I still have classes. *sighs* Ah, well. Let's see...nothing much follows after my birthday. All it was were the different states of depression. For some reason, I find my growing a year older somewhat like a step...and I haven't made one as of yet. I haven't achieved anything earth-shattering, haven't even tried ruling the world yet... And, after a huge tide of depression, went out to the mall, gave my wallet some justice, and bought... girly stuff. xD If my friends weren't so darned busy with their finals, they'd have seen me riiight after being a wreck. Yes...nothing like a trip to the mall to mend all hurts--but not all, of course. Or, they never would glue together.. They'll always be inside me. Just this time it's locked up to a box for awhile. And I never thought shoes could make good prozac... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= i am at school for the moment, deliriously bored and annoyed at the guy behind me... (really...making weird noises isn't cute...more likely it'll earn you a smack on the head.) *mutters* -.- later on, going to see if i could get myself...fishies. xD ![]() Sunday, March 14, 2004And it has come to this. I have grown a year older... is that a good thing, or something else? The night before, I cried because so far I've nothing to show for it. Or I haven't done anything that would depict something that would say I have grown up. I expected to be more mature, more patient, more tolerating, more creative--- more everything except my present weight. I don't know if i've achieved any of those... I woke up as early as I could, hence avoiding the potential repetitive knocking on my door which seemed to be the source of great irritation on my part since it became so often since my grandparents were here. If that happens, I end up cranky and irritable, much similar to that of my having PMS. 8:00.. I woke up just before someone would knock on my door to tell me my relatives from the States are calling to greet me. Went down, had a cheery conversation with said relatives, had breakfast, and took a shower. 9:30 am.. Church. I might be 19, so one might expect i would at least stay put at church... I can do that now. Only I was sleeping, or trying not to. My apologies to my grandparents. Dragging me to the house of God is never a good thing. Was surprised my parents didn't warn you that. Honestly... I was hoping since they know I'm older, they would treat me as they should an adult. Dragging someone to somplace they don't really want to is like treating someone like they're some kid. 10:30 am.. Had a little nap to soothe my nerves and ease up from the threat of mental collapse. The day's still starting.. and I just wanted to sleep everything off. Locked up in my room for a much-needed Me-Time, watched a little TV, and sms'ed my old high school friends to meet me for dinner and movie in the evening. Hmm...some were busy and can't come. Happy Birthday to me... 12:00 noon.. Spiffy Birthday Lunch with a few cousins, grandparents, and my uncle. Yummy food, but never really ate much because I was too busy scurrying back and forth to the livingroom phone and the dining table because it kept on ringing. (not to mention that since midnight until the very moment people've been calling me) ...and it went on until 2:00 pm. 2:00 pm.. Slept again, gathering enough tolerance to last me the day. Was happy parental units finally called. Also my sister, which my parents have to remind what this day actually was. Happy Birthday indeed.. We actually had a very nice conversation.. 4:30 pm.. Went online. Saw Rym, always a happy thing there. Was surprised (even a bit startled) how skinny he looked today. Hmm...Maybe it was the light, or the angle of the cam, or what he's wearing. *starts to worry* Also talked to gaya, who thanked me 'cause i reminded her that she should greet her boyfriend. Oh, and she greeted me too. 6:00 pm Said goodbye to grandparents and cousins who are going home to butuan by boat. Locked the doors and noticed the house was suddenly looking so empty. 6:30 pm and beyond Meeting my friends. Wanted to salvage what little of my birthday was left to have fun. That was it. ![]() Saturday, March 13, 2004See Korea's The Wishing Stairs. I will never quite see a ballerina's foot the same way again... I have observed that so far, in two Korean movies I've seen (this one and Memento Mori) that the characters are lesbians. And quite immature ones too. More like all-girls school me-like-you-you-like-me-let's-kiss kind of thing... Still, tho. I mean, I can bend either way, but when you see how they fare with intimacy, it's just plain childish. I would also have to check out The Grudge 1 & 2, and A Tale of Two Sisters...so far, it's been Ring 0 and The Phone that scared me half to death.
*shudders* ![]() Thursday, March 11, 2004There is someone for everyone... Proven to me once and for all with a very quaint film, Something's Gotta Give, with my favourite Jack Nicholson (most recent films include Anger Management and the movie that won him an Oscar, As Good As It Gets). Another actor I've come to love in this film is Diane Keaton (First Wives Club, The Godfather, Hanging Up), with her wonderful performance as a fifty-something playwright who've more or less given up knocking on love's door, nor is she that interested to see the other side. Nicholson plays the sixty-something hiphop producer (among his "other" businesses) whose life revolved around women less than half his age. Through various events, the two finally met, each hesitant but somewhat fascinated to discover this new ride. Him, wondering why all of a sudden he became fascinated by a woman more or less on his stride and intelligence. On the other end she is confused on why she found herself fascinated with a man who, by her standards, she find infuriatingly immature. But I'm not going to write the whole story. Part of experiencing a movie is to actually see all of it. *grins* This movie could have fallen perilously unto the bowels of a poorly written script, or something to point out that old people have sex lives. But no. I am happy to report this has become one of those rare comedies that are actually heartfelt, funny and charming. Seeing Keaton cry after a night with Nicholson's character made me want to cry. No, I haven't experienced not dating for 20 years as of yet, but that's not the point. You can -feel- what she's feeling. Keaton was the soul of the movie. Nicholson, the backbone. Keanu Reeves is just the livingroom plant. (Never was fond of the actor, and never will) To close, I say Keaton had as good a chance of winning that Oscar for best actress as Charlize Theron. I haven't seen Monster yet, but my heart already belongs to Keaton. She should have won. Too bad she didn't have the prosthetic teeth... Haven't slept a wink last night. *sighs* No idea why. Never even needed coffee for that. I think my mom's right when she says I might have a sleeping disorder. Or, well, i was always like this. For me, it's just another stupid (if not sordidly boring) night. Friggin TV kept me awake, even.. if I turn it off, I'd get restless when nothing ever makes a sound. >_<; The world hates me. *drumroll* And the grandparents have arrived! lol. Well, throughout my college years so far, this is a good and not-so-good thing. A good thing because my grandma takes it upon herself to be like my mom during her stay. The not-so-good thing would be she tends to overdo it. Take for example, tonight's episode: Since they've arrived, the visitations in my room has already risen to three in the last 5 hours or so. First was to say hello to me, ask how I was. I told them i'm okay, and I made -sure- that I mention Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are my free days and I use them for sleep. Grandma: "of course! very good idea." So that was that. On the second visit, she knocked on my door again to hand me breakfast. Grandma: "I know it's almost lunch, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" Aha... I -know- that. It's just that I don't actually -like- the feeling of something in my stomach at the start of the day. But can you even tell your grandmother that? Of course not! It would sound so absurd to her---that is, if her mind would not reject that kind of response from you. "No breakfast" is simply unacceptable. Grandparent Rule #1. Second rule comes an hour or so later. Knock on door...and: Grandma: "Lunch time! We'll eat outside, okay?" There's the word...outside (with echoes of impending doom). I told them I'd be okay here, and I will probably have lunch at 2pm or some lame excuse to get back to sleep. Fortunately, they decided I suffered enough. -= Round One over! =- I had a few hours of sleep, and as soon as I recieved word they would be getting home soon, I took a looong shower and made myself presentable. The line "You look tired!" is thus avoided. They come in, nice warm huggles all around. I ask them what's been up, they ask me what's been going on with me too. I have discovered throughout the years, that when you answer the following: 1.) How was your day? 2.) How's school? 3.) What's your course again? 4.) Have new boyfriend? 5.) What are you planning on your birthday? 6.) What are you going to do with your birthday money? ... it is advised that you keep your answers short and vague. 1.) It was okay. 2.) It's okay too. 3.) I.T. Majoring in Multimedia and the Internet 4.) Yes. -= Nothing else follows for security reasons =- 5.) With friends. 6.) Haven't thought about it yet. There. (Note: For answer #4, when I say security reasons, I mean so they won't follow me about seeing who I'm with, reporting everything to my parents back at home. See, if the boyfriend -is- in the premises, it's a sure bet they will proceed with an interview.) Dinner is always a major event. It's where everyone gets together, ask how life is going so far, and surrender yourself to a meal you will probably regret later. For my grandmother, dinner serves as a dual purpose: 1.) To educate me on the value of vitamins and minerals, and that Pepsi is an evil, EVIL thing. 2.) The time to feed me with double--no, triple-- dosages of everything you see on the table, seeing that all I will ever be to her is a picture of a very skinny girl. Which I am definitely not. I now realize my mother have inherited this urge to feed me from my grandmother. xD The good thing about this is now the 'fridge is full. *grins* When they're not here, no one ever bothers to open the evil thing, seeing it would only have cold pizza and some unidentified...things... Everyone was in their best behaviour. Hell, even Jason went home early! After dinner, subtle lecture on the importance of sleep... *laughs* Aw, I love my grandparents. And it's a funny thing that they brought it to themselves to be everyone's tutors on Good Manners and Right Conduct, Health and Nutrition, and poise. ;) It's hard work, but at least it's for free! Honestly, if I haven't listened (a bit) to my grandma, life would've been very, very different right now. ;) -=Round Two over!=- ![]() Tuesday, March 09, 2004After the wake of this year's Oscars, I decided to wallow about in its nominees. Today's quest was to venture in the movie 21 Grams, starring Naomi Watts (of The Ring fame), Benicio del Toro and Sean Penn. I can say the money was well worth the long line I have waited, surprisingly, on a Monday. Penn's acting was powerful, and though he was nominated for Mystic River, I say between the two vehicles, he made equally great performances. It's one of those stories that bring unlikely kinds of people together by circumstances, this time by death. As I don't read movie critiques before I actually see the movie (so's not to affect my judgement), I actualy wondered what the title was all about. The meaning of 21 grams comes near the end of the movie. Penn's character, before dying, narrates more or less this: They say you lose 21 grams at the exact time of your death. It is a weight close to 5 coins stacked one after another, a hummingbird, or a chocolate bar. When you lose 21 grams, when you think of your life, what have you lost? What did you leave behind? More importantly, what have you gained? And the core of the story came when Sean Penn tells a little Venezuelan poem to Watt's character. I've researched, and it's from a poet named Eugenio Montejo (I've decided to read more of his works when I've the time), entitled The Earth Turned to Bring Us Closer. Here's a few lines: The Earth turned to bring us closer, it spun on itself and within us, and finally joined us together in this dream... ...A rooster was singing some distance from the world, in one of the thousand pre-lives of our fathers. The Earth was spinning with its music carrying us on board; it didn't stop turning a single moment as if so much love, so much that's miraculous was only an adagio written long ago in the Symposium's score. Just the thing I needed to hear. This is official: Hot Oil treatments rock! XD Another dreary Monday, a two-hour shower and an hour more for my hair (if you're as bored as I am, it -is- possible to spend three whole hours inside the bathroom) And now I am here, listening to a friend being horny and whiny. *rolls eyes* It could only get worse from here. ![]() Sunday, March 07, 2004Aha...and on your upper left hand corner, you will see an attempt to draw myself. I don't think I look exactly like that, but ah, well. I tried. Bigger version. Nothing much happened to day, just school, and a bad case of tummy ache. *sighs* And I'm online (obviously)...but my friends are away. Even Rym is away... ![]() Saturday, March 06, 2004If there's one thing I hate most in the world, it's sitting down at school with a bad tummy. *sighs* I don't know what happened, but the thingies that grind up the junk that I eat feels like a crumpled mass of pain. >_< *pokes her tummy* What's wrong with you? I even ate breakfast so you'd shut up about it for the rest of the day, dammit! *mutter mutter*. Fine. Hate me, then. ![]() Friday, March 05, 2004I had my hair trimmed. A brave step, if I can say so, but absolutely necessary since i've damaged my beloved tresses from that episode where I decided to make it go curly for a few months. Those were weird times. Now it is back to its glorious straightness...back to what my hair was meant to be. It was born this way, marvelously black and shiny. Sorry, did I sound like someone completely obsessed back there? Righto. If there's one feature I like in my head area, it would have to be my hair. It's the only thing decent enough to deserve my utmost attention and care (and adoration), and so I plan to let it stay that way. Yes, I am a weird kid. Don't take that away from me. Or, okay, maybe I like something else about myself besides my hair. Hard to believe, but certainly trueish, considering most people comment about my eyes than my hair. *pouts* Fine. Hair and eyes. Certainly not-so-flattering is my round face, which I find so easy to detest. The poor thing is the first I see every morning, and I try to avoid seeing it the rest of the day. Not to mention my height, which came to be the thing I most hate about myself. Why was I vertically challenged? Too friendly to the ground, perhaps? I don't really know. God was in a funny mood when he made me. The rest of me---I won't even go there. *sighs* Funny thing, looking at myself. To know I have to keep this shell until I die is nothing short of hilarious. They say you would just have to work with what you've got... People can be hypocrites. I am overwhelmed. O.o I was sleeping, then a knock on my door. Mail! And then... Lauren, a friend from Australia just sent me her first mail... And what a mail! She made this -amazing- comic-whatever thing, and it just blew. me. away. And since my amazing Post Office declined my letter to her (it came with her mail...how about that?!), I would have to resend a more decent one. But compared to this... it's nothing. (Jesus, Lauren, you should sell the stuff! You're amazing!) Really talented girl, that. *nods* (Bah, I'm blessed --yes, religiousish word-- to have talented friends) Doodie, YOU ROCK! KFC Dinner...just for the record. XD The day went morbidly slow, but I'm quite thankful I have survived through a boring day of classes that barely keep me awake, thus I conclude CS156 is the perfect cure for insomnia. It was so ridiculously boring, i'd have had an impressive puddle of drool if I've decided to sleep. Tomorrow, I plan to trim my hair, maybe get bangs. Maybe relax in a cinema, then eat somewhere. I guess preparation for another round of boredom for saturday's classes. God was so kind to have given me endurance and not surrender to sleep. And also, Rymmie's shown me this. I almost cried. The thought of hurting an innocent animal... *sighs* That guy needs treatment. But why a kitty?!? The poor thing can't even defend itself. Aw, and her paws are cut off. >_<' The guy is -evil-. I hope he would be kept off the streets for good. But no such justice for a furry animal. It's a sad, sad, disturbed world we live in. ![]() Thursday, March 04, 2004Since I am so bored, I am taking what little of my sanity left to analyze my breakfast... I planned not to eat this morning, but since the nice guard in the Village I live in failed to call me a cab pronto, I decided to use my time eating. :P And so... Rice. The white stuff that hound every filipino meal 3 times a day, 7 days a week, all year round, maybe for the rest of our natural lives (unless we stop eating it... which would be the death of us anyway). And so... there I was, sitting in a sun-drenched dining room with only two options for breakfast (rice is not an option, take note. It's a necessity). Unfortunately for me, I would have to choose only two (a price for having breakfast late). Eggs and corned beef. Eggs I'll never have, if there's something else I could eat. For one, it's a creature that wasn't even given a chance to transform itself into a marvelous chicken that would eventually end up as a marvelous dinner as well. Plus eggs make my head hurt. >_< So...corned beef it is. I never really knew why it's called that way. There's...no corn. o.O Only chunks and chunks of beefy goodness. Wait...maybe because of the corn oil... hmmm... I would try to research on that, but it's like witnessing the decapitation of a pig and see how it was roasted. No thanks. I think if I'd have seen how every animal was prepared and cooked... I'd have become a vegetarian. And I ate.. That's just about it. o.o I'll see if I could write something about whatever dead animal's for dinner too. Sounds so wrong when I put it that way... Hrmm. Okay...currently at school, trying hard not to fall to a stupor. >_< Why does it have to be boring? Hm? Hm?? I mean, it's bad enough that the subject is complicated, now I have to try keeping myself awake enough to listen to it. I would have to buy the book, of course (uhm, subject in question: C Programming), which would set me back for a few bucks again. That's my problem nowadays. I really can't control how I spend my money. Things that need buying just...pop out. All go "boo!" especially at times when my wallet's beginning to deteriorate. Just this week, even with just two subjects for the second half, I find myself getting tired. I don't know, perhaps I poured out every energy I had for the first half of the semester, and I've dried up for the next. -.-; Ah, well. I will have my break soon enough. We have our vacation for the Holy Week soon, so I'm using that. Maybe even sleep for the whole week (and I'm -sure- my mom would tell me to go to church like every self-respecting Catholic would. Ehm...). God, I'm so sleepy. :( And I have 3 hours after this doing nothing but keep myself from dozing off or go home. And then 3 more hours after that hearing a lecture about the history of the Internet. -.-; Zzz... Okay, so the problem I rambled about was solved, I withdrew my NSTP 1 subject. I've been very busy again *sighs*. So much for that one-week break, huh? My authorware project was returned to me for refinement (apparently, my teacher wanted mine to get excellent grades by Singapore standards). And, well, finishing touches here and there...and it was done. Nothing much happened over the three days since I last blogged. I recieved letters from Alja and Carina on Tuesday...which was a good timing, considering I was tired as heck and I really needed something to cheer me up a bit. Carina sent me a sweet post-valentines card. :) And Alja sent me a letter thanking me for the valentines card I sent her and a few updates on how she is. Really really good to hear from both of them. I immediately wrote back, of course. Just mailed them yesterday, after I returned my new and improved multimedia project. I've just finished my C programming assignment. Just got introduced to the teacher last Tuesday... he doesn't look...nice. But, well, appearances can be decieving. Anyway, I study. But I still worry a bit, though. There are some teachers out there that are very hard to please. Like you have to crawl on all fours before you get a decent grade. *sighs* What else? Hrm... Nothing much, I guess. Now I would have to study for my Design class. Bah. ![]() Monday, March 01, 2004I can be so stupid sometimes. *sighs and resists the urge to thwap her head against the desk* DAMMIT! >_< I have added some classes for the second half of my term, and I just missed something: CS115 Project: C Programming TThS 9:00am-12:00 noon CS156 Web Design TThS 12:00 noon - 3:00 pm NSTP1 Sat 9:00 am-12:00 noon *sighs* So now I have to give up my NSTP (National Service Training Program) because on a saturday, I have a 9-12 class in CS115. >_< So I guess I would have to get that subject out before they'd register the thing to my file and make it look like I dropped it. I'm -so- stupid! |
Say Something! _____________ |